Crazy HISTORY OF SRI LANKA

HISTORY AS IT SHOULD BE WRITTEN
THE HISTORY OF SRI LANKA
PART 1 (abridged)
HISTORY 2 THE ANURADHAPURA HERALD HISTORY 3 THE PORTUGUESE OBSERVER QUEEN ANULA IDIOT KINGS
Apologies: This is a fairly accurate but jazzed up (and tabloid style) version of events. Boring detail has been left out. I do hope I haven't offended any of my Sinhalese, Tamil, Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Indian, English, Scottish or Irish friends. The dates and most events have been taken from "A History of Sri Lanka" by K.M. de Silva (1981) Oxford University Press, Delhi. The book has no ISBN number but if you are interested I can provide further details of publication
1. Fifth century BC: Vijaya, the legendary father of the Sinhalese arrives on the island, after having been chucked out by his dad, the King of North India one Singhabahu (Get the Sinha bit?). He brings with him 700 of his rowdy friends! Good start this! The Tamils dispute who arrived where first----- Our men got here first! No they didn't. Yes they did!...No they ....
2. Buddhism is introduced to the island. Mahinda; the brother of the Indian King Asoka flies into Sri Lanka ( Yes he did! Ranji is a Buddhist and she knows this. Note that this is long before the Wright Brothers!) Bo trees are planted everywhere. Crows disseminate the seeds by the simple process of eating the fruit and defaecating. Bo trees grow everywhere. Shrines grow up around Bo trees...cause traffic obstruction...
3. In 177BC two South Indian (ie Tamil) "adventurers" take control of Anuradhapura, the ancient capital of the Sinhalese, and eventually--after ten years-- hands power over to Elara (also Tamil) who remains in control for a further forty five years until killed in single combat by Gamunu.(see below)
4.Duttagamini (Gamunu to his friends), a Sinhalese youth of royal descent gets bored out of his wits, thinks his dad is a prat and utter wimp for not fighting the Tamils, calls a few friends, gets up an army and takes on Elara. Elephants are used as battering rams, boiling pitch is poured from the battlements, elephants run amok scoring own goals. Finally Elara and Gamunu decide on a duel on elephant back. Fortunately no RSPCA at that time....... (Graphic details of the battle in a later edition)
5. Elara gets it! Sinhalese take this as victory in their Holy War. The Sinhalese never forget it, the Tamils never forget it nor are they willing to forgive. Meanwhile, Anuradhapura is in "our" hands, and "Anuradha" becomes a popular name for boys. Very soon half the male population is named "Anuradha". Confusion prevails. Matters are compounded when parents decide that Anuradha is an equally good name for a girl! The Anuradhapura kingdom lasts for a 1000 years. Everybody is now called Anuradha!.
6. Somewhere about this time a woman by the name of Anula decides to have a go at running the country. To the delight of the male populace Queen Anula (48-44BC) turns out to be a nymphomaniac! ( to be continued...)